I want to be Brave
by ohhthegreatestblinkinglight
Summary: He supposed that his relationship with Spain wouldn't have lasted. He had no one but himself to blame for their fight... He supposed now was a good of time as any to end it all.


watch?v=fo16tjou1Fc

* * *

_I'm too sad to be staying with you for the reason of love  
Because it's just too hard  
Now I keep resenting you  
I want to be brave and break up _

A glass shattered as it slipped from Lovino's fingers. He cursed his luck as he bent down to delicately pick up the sharp pieces. His hand moving nimbly, he was almost done picking up the larger pieces when suddenly his finger twitched and red started to stain his fingers. Damn, now he cut himself too. As he gingerly touched his fingertips, his eyes started to soften and he felt a rising pressure in his throat. Before he could stop himself, he found he was crying silently. The tears flowed like a gentle rain caressing his face. His bloodstained hand reaching up to touch the wet tear tracks, he felt as he was going to break inside.

….. 'Why am I here,' he asked himself. He couldn't understand it. It was obvious that Antonio no longer loved him, if the man did so once upon a time.

So why was he still waiting for Antonio? Why was he still here, waiting for the bastard to get home. Why wait for someone who didn't want him?

His hand clenching into a tight fist, he started to mutter curses and angry shouts. He wanted to blame Antonio for everything. For being such an idiot, Lovino couldn't properly express his feelings with subtle hints. For wanting more of Lovino than he was ever willing to give to another human being. For making Lovino feel this pain as he yearned for the love and affection he had somehow gotten from the affectionate Spaniard.

_I don't feel your genuine heart  
Or if you really want me  
It always seems like you're annoyed by me  
It's difficult to say even little things _

But he knew it wasn't the idiot's fault. Antonio was only guilty of one thing. For loving Lovino. A heinous crime in Lovino's eyes worthless hazel eyes.

**"Dios Mio, Lovino will you shut up and listen!"**

"I don't know why I should! You're going to keep talking anyways!"

"Why did I ever choose you!" 

Yes, it was a disgusting crime.

Lovino. Love? …Never.

Not only was his bad attitude a repellant for others, but his own insecurities made him pathetic to any observer who might have been interested. He was a grown man, yet he still struggled with his own doubts and paranoia. No wonder Antonio was annoyed by him.

Lovino had tried to patch things up. He had tried to squeeze in an apology between some small talk. He should have known his pride would have foiled his plans.

"Bastard, what's for dinner?"

Antonio looked up with guarded eyes," Just the usual."

Lovino flinched at the lack of warmth in the older man's gaze. Swallowing his fears, he stepped closer to the Spaniard in the kitchen," Need help?"

"No."

"Antonio-" Lovino's voice started to rise in frustration.

He was cut off as Antonio abruptly left the kitchen, shoving a glass into Lovino's hands," If you want to help you can water the plants. I'm going out."

And Lovino stood there silently with a glass in his hands as he saw the person he loved dearly leave without another word.

_Is this really what I want?  
The more I think about it  
My heart keeps blocking me  
Though it hurts, I want to end this _

Wiping his eyes, Lovino stood to his feet. His fingers had stopped bleeding and all was left was dried blood highlighting the lines on his hand.

His eyes looked listless and dead but he knew it would only be worse if he dragged out the pain. Like a wound, he realized, emotional pain must be stemmed before it bled you dry.

Whether he would ever feel anything but a dull ache in his heart, Lovino didn't know. But he knew to stop the pain, for his sake… for Antonio's sake. It it's better to end what they had.

_I'm too miserable to be by your side for the reason of love  
Because it hurts too much  
Because I hate myself like this  
I want to be brave and break up _

"Antonio." Lovino's quavering voice called out to the man who had just entered the house.  
The Spaniard still looked stern and frigid," Que? What do you want, Lovino?"

Lovino's body trembled as he willed himself to finish this, once and for all," Antonio I-"  
He was broken off by his own rising sobs.

Seeing Lovino curl inward as he sobbed, Antonio was shaken out of his self-imposed prison," Lovino?" The words were spoken tenderly as Antonio reached out with a steady hand and a worried expression.

Lovino treasured the warm hand that caressed his face as his body still heaved with sobs. A small smile rose on Lovino's lips as he spoke with glistening eyes," Let's end this."

* * *

**... umm... yeah.**

**Just a quick songfic to energize the brain.**

**Davichi is good for the creative neurons~ ohhohohoho~~~~~ xD**

**Please Review~~**


End file.
